We here at Office Ninja Central have been paying close attention to the 2016 Rio Olympics this week – we actually haven’t gotten anything else done, and we’re a bit worried the boss is going to be angry. Just a few minutes ago, he walked in and gave us this face.
So we figured we should get to work… BY HOLDING OUR OWN OFFICE OLYMPICS! We’ve got five events to compete in and may the best office athlete win! Because we like you, and we don’t want to be the only office slacking off, we thought we’d share the events with you, in case you want to compete with your coworkers! Oh and Office Ninja takes no responsibility for the shenanigans we're about to explain. Compete at your own risk. Bonus points if the winner is named Simone.
Target Shooting
Take your best stapler, load that baby up, and pin up a picture of the boss across the office. Then, open up the stapler and aim for her/his face—uh, I mean tie. Aim for the tie. Closest to the target wins!
Chair Races
Take two chairs with wheels out to a tiled hallway, preferably wide enough for the chairs to race side-by-side. Otherwise, race them one at a time and best time wins. Bonus points if the boss comes around the corner and you take him/her out.
Coffee Mug Relay
This works best if the coffeemaker is on a different floor. Athletes start the farthest point away from the coffee, and race towards the coffeemaker. Your teammate, once you arrive, has to make the coffee from scratch – no using yesterday’s old sludge, save that for the boss – and then passes a full mug of coffee to a third teammate, who has to get it back to the start without spilling more than 10% of the coffee. I suggest picking someone wearing a nice crisp white dress shirt for the final leg.
Pommel Desk
This works best using the desk of the coworker you like least. Throw all their stuff on the ground, and attempt your best pommel horse routine using their computer as the pommel. Extra points are awarded if the employee whose desk you’re using reports you to HR and you finish your routine before they show up. Don't forget to stick your landing and smile!
Competitive Eating
Two athletes have to eat the oldest items in the company refrigerator, racing for fastest time possible. Vomiting is automatic disqualification, but you get a bonus point if the item is so completely covered in mold you can’t tell what it is. Blue cheese doesn't count.
Good luck, may the force be with you, and go for the gold!
