Top 10 Office Fail Tweets

We here at Office Ninja understand that many of you share our pain of having to work in an office. From the traffic-filled morning commute, to the boring meetings and working lunch hours, getting stuck late doing some inane task for your idiot boss, driving home in even more traffic, only to have time for a frozen burrito before it's time to go to bed so you can get up and do it all over again.

But you're not alone.

We've gathered some of the best tweets from people who are just like you. Our hope is that these tweets will show you that you're not alone.

Or at the very least, it'll kill some time before lunch.

WHOEVER COMES IN MY OFFICE OVER THE WEEKEND AND STEALS ALL MY GOOD PENS I HATE YOU

— Bre Fate (@BreFate) March 28, 2016

"Jeff, I hate to bother you, but..."

THEN WHY ARE YOU STILL WALKING INTO MY OFFICE? LEAVE!

— Dick Brisket (@EmpireOfJeff) March 18, 2016

Guy in my office is proud that he has eaten dog. I hate him, I actually hate him.

— Jessica Butler (@JessicaButlerOx) March 16, 2016

Whoever made the coffee in my office this morning needs to be put down. All four blends taste like dirt and I hate you. ☕️🖕

— Versace Sock Thief (@EliteDrako) March 16, 2016

I hate it when my manager works in my office on a Friday....there's no chance to sneak off early 😣

— ImperfectGirl (@Imperfect77) March 11, 2016

my office is right by the restroom so ppl will stop by with one foot in the door & have really awkward pre-bathroom chats w me & I hate it

— byemma (@bakamurachan) March 8, 2016

My office is next to a Boys and Girls club. There is nothing I hate more than children’s laughter

— Kyle Taylor (@kftaylor) March 8, 2016

I hate going to work because my sister is my boss, my office is right next to my sister. I hate coming home because I have to see my sister.

— Savanna Goossens (@savgoossens) March 2, 2016

I hate when people show up to my office and I just got out of the shower

— Stefan Urquelle (@OfficeofSteve) February 26, 2016

Wow, so much office-hating! Maybe next week we'll try to inspire office happiness. This week we're just going to start drinking from that whiskey in my desk drawer.

Ninjas of the Week

It's that time again, where we celebrate the week's best ninjas. These individuals went above and beyond to prove that they've got what it takes to be a bonafide ninja! Or at least an office ninja...

1. MARGARITA LOUIS-DREYFUS

Swiss billionaire Margarita Louis-Dreyfus gave birth to twins this week. Did we mention she's 53 years old? Not only did this amazing woman ninja out two healthy baby girls, she's going back to work in less than a month! Only a ninja could recover that quickly!!

2. KEVIN SPACEY

Kevin Spacey is known for being an amazing actor, especially when it comes to the Netflix series 'House of Cards'. But who knew he was a master of disguise as well?! He was seen this week at a Florida Panthers game, the team held a "Spacey in Space"-themed game at which they handed out cardboard cutouts of Kevin Spacey's face to everyone.

What people didn't know was that the REAL Kevin Spacey was there with a mask on as well! He eventually revealed himself to the excited crowd, but by that point he had ninja'd himself right into the middle of everything!

3. BLOSSOM

Due to a traumatic injury when she was born, Blossom the dog lost both of her feet. Blossom's owner, Rodney Purvis, reached out to Prosthetics and Orthotics Associates, who made custom feet for Blossom! She gets around wonderfully now, and even swims twice a week! I don't know about you, but we don't know any ninjas that can do what Blossom does without feet! Heck, she's an inspiration to us normal, non-ninja people!

4. THIS TIGER

There's not much else to say but to tell you to look at this picture. I mean, this ninja tiger is clearly pulling some next-level ninjaing here to stalk its prey. Whatever is in its line of sight is about to become lunch. A good ninja uses his/her environment (even water!) to blend in and lie in wait until it's time to strike.

5. THIS FREAKING FROG

We don't know what's going on here. This ninja frog has clearly commandeered the beetle and is riding him into battle. Frankly, we're afraid. If he comes into our office like this, we're pretty much just going to surrender all the office supplies and abandon ship. The level of ninjaing needed to perform this feat and make this beetle his own personal steed is something we hope to never see in person. Because this will be the last thing you see before it's all over. 

So we've obviously gone down the rabbit hole of ninjas this week and the animal kingdom might be taking over. What do you say? Who should be the Ninja of the Week? Post your choice here or on your favorite social media platform and let us know! 

Office Weapons Fit for a Ninja

So, you work in an office. Maybe there are a handful of employees you don't quite get along with (Jett *cough*). Maybe there's one or two that make you wish you had an office-sanctioned, rubber band crossbow to put them in their place (DB *cough cough*)

Well, wait no longer.

We at Office Ninja feel your pain. Everyone has a Jett in their office, and we want to help you put yours in his/her place. We've compiled a list of sites and videos that will help you create an office arsenal!

MAN MADE DIY

The awesome people at Man Made DIY have come up with instructions for the perfect rubber band gun - double barrel style! You may not even have to leave your desk to make this one. Make sure to aim for the butt with this puppy!

Because if you put out an eye, you might get fired or something.

HAPPY WORKER

Has all out warfare broken out in your office? The people of Happy Worker have got you covered with a variety of methods to take your office supplies to the next level. With weapons like the Impromptu Laser Pointer Gun and Work-2-Ruler Bow & Arrow, you'll be the General of the winning faction!

OFFICE GUNS 

The name of the site pretty much says it all. Office Guns takes the seemingly harmless binder clip and turns it into an implement of destruction. Learn how to make five different weapons out of this unassuming object. Guaranteed to make your next conference table meeting one no one will ever forget.

INSTRUCTABLES

Instructables has your back when it comes to office weaponry. Trebuchets, a blowgun, a liquid fuel rocket and the legendary office supply crossbow (Wha!?) to name just a few - all with easy to follow videos! It's the fastest way to arm your colleagues against the dreaded Accounting Department Vikings! Just keep an eye out for the Human Resource Raiders...

Speaking of which. Don't try this at home. Or at the office. We take no responsibility for what you do. *Fires office gun*

Ninjas of the Week

It's that time of week again, where we look for our Ninjas of the Week. This week, we searched high and low, in crevices and cracks. And in breweries and tacos shops. What? Ninjas drink beer. It's a fact.

So without further ado, here's our Top 5 Ninjas of the Week!

1. ASTRONAUT SCOTT KELLY

Astronaut Scott Kelly spent an entire year in space and came back last week. He spent all of that time in ZERO GRAVITY, running experiments and doing tasks while floating around inside the space station. That's ultimate ninja-ing! On top of that, he actually grew TALLER because of the lack of gravity. Only a ninja could contort their body like that! This week Scott announced his retirement from NASA after logging 520 hours of cumulative space time over the span of his career. Congrats on your retirement, Scott, you deserve it!

2. BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN

This week, legend Bruce Springsteen kicked off his tour with a three and a half hour show in Los Angeles. The 66-year-old entertainer not only performed 21 songs while running around the stage, he CROWDSURFED. How many other sexagenarian's do you know that can crowdsurf and perform for over 3 hours?! Bruce has clearly studied the ways of the ninja, and has the stamina to survive anything that's thrown at him.

3. OLD OLIVER QUEEN 

Speaking of aging heroes, on the new hit show Legends of Tomorrow a few episodes ago, the group traveled forward in time to the year 2046 and encountered The Green Arrow himself, Oliver Queen, hiding in the shadows of a destroyed Star City. Not only is Oliver still a bad-ass, he's doing it with ONE FREAKING ARM. How many one-armed ninjas do you know that can shoot arrows? Heck, even Queen's trademark green hoodie looks like a ninja outfit!

4. KOBE BRYANT

Basketball legend Kobe Bryant is retiring at the end of this season, and this week was his last historic meeting against the Cavs LeBron James. Kobe is a true ninja. He weaves in and out, all over the court, and always manages to find a way to get that ball in the basket. His speed and agility and ability to fly through the air make him the perfect ninja! In fact, maybe that's why he's retiring, he's going off to be a ninja...

5. THIS REDBACK SPIDER - NINJA OF THE WEEK!

In Kalgoorlie, Western Australia, the menacing Redback Spider spun a web so sticky and large that she caught A SNAKE in it. That's right. A snake. And all of this took place in a woman's garage who heroically tried to save the snake after she caught it all on video! That spider is the ultimate ninja this week, catching a prey 100 times her size!

That's it for now, tune in next week for more ninjas!!